Kate Crocco, MSW, LCSW, is a psychotherapist, confidence and mindset coach and writer who mentors female leaders around the globe. She has coached thousands of women through one-on-one, group, and mastermind programs, as well as through her Confident Ladies Club community. Her first book (of two), Thinking Like a Boss is releasing with Baker Books February 18, 2020. She is the host of a weekly podcast, Thinking Like a Boss, where she regularly interviews female entrepreneurs from various fields who have found success in business and in life. A guest expert on numerous podcasts and telesummits, Kate has been quoted in publications such as the Huffington Post, Best Kept Self, SheKnows, and BlogHer. Kate’s mission is to empower women to go after their dreams by helping them break down the walls and fears that have been holding them back from greatness through lovingly challenging them to step into the best version of themselves. Kate currently resides in New York with her husband, her two sweet girls, and her rescue pup, Turbo.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- The source of the lies that arise in your mind.
- Specific lies that Kate believed (and overcame) when she was starting her practice.
- Why it’s important to get back to an inner child mindset.
- How you can overcome the lies you believe in your own life.
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Interview Transcript
Kate, thanks so much for taking some time to hang with me today. I really appreciate it.
Thank you so much for having me. I can’t wait to chat.
Today we’re talking about your brand new book, Thinking Like a Boss: Uncover and Overcome the Lies Holding You Back From Success. First question, why do women, and I’m going to say men too, struggle with so many lies when they’re thinking about starting something new in their life? Because that’s kind of what you’re pitching. Hey, you’re starting something new. You’ve got to think like a boss. You’ve got all these lies. Why? Why do women and men — I think men should read this book too, I’m just going to tell.
Oh yeah, I’ve had a lot of men who have read it and have gotten a lot from it. Even though, yes, my branding, everything’s pink and girly looking. But it’s a book for men also, it really is.
Yeah. So why so many lies in our heads?
Yeah, I think we just have a lot of fear and we’re afraid of what could happen if we move forward. What could happen? Could I fail? Could I actually succeed? I think that we tell ourselves that we need all of these different things in order to move ahead. Whether it’s more time. Whether it’s feeling more ready, or having more qualifications, or having more people on board like our friends and family. It actually all starts with us. It starts with our mind.
In order to move ahead, we just have to be sure of ourselves. We have to sometimes not even be sure, but just be willing and take that step to move ahead and to try even when we’re afraid. And I’m afraid all the time. There’s plenty of things that scare me. I actually live by the motto of, do something every day that scares you if you want to move ahead.
Wow. Help me understand the source of these lies though. At what point in our lives do we start to think these negative thoughts? Is it in the womb? Is it age five? Is it when we’re teenagers? Is it only when we’re adult? How does that play out?
Yeah. There’s actually a visualization in the book where I take people back to their childhood memories. I think as little kids, there’s a point in our life where we just don’t really have a lot of fear. There’s not a lot of things that we worry about. I look at my two and a half year old daughter right now, the things she says, the things she does. Oh my goodness, if she only knew that these are embarrassing things.
Give me an example. Come on.
Oh, just picking her nose in public and picking her wedgie. Little things like that.
No fear.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just doing things that could potentially be scary. I think that little by little, going to school, just making friends, we hear all of these lies of what the world thinks that we should be, and how we should act, and how we should live, and our mind just starts to fill up with that. I think we just don’t know any better and that’s what really shapes us. That’s where we go in that direction in the future. I know myself, as a little girl I can remember back when there wasn’t the fear. Of just dancing around and singing, and not wondering or caring how I sounded, or how I looked. Then really allowing my peers and others around me just get into my mind. I really told myself a lot of lies.
I struggled very early on with an eating disorder. It’s funny because I look back at pictures of myself, I was seven years old and I look at this little innocent girl. I think, how beautiful, how sweet. To think at that age I remember specifically getting that picture taken and looking at it and thinking, “Oh, I look fat. My face looks so round. My cheeks look so full.” It breaks my heart to think, “Oh my goodness.” My daughter is going to be three soon. I don’t want to her to feel this way about herself at such an early age. It’s sad.
Yeah, yeah. It sounds like we hear that from other people. I would assume we also sometimes hear that from our parents unknowingly.
Yeah.
I think about things that my mom would do that was out of love, out of a desire to protect, but it’s that, “Oh, don’t do that.” It’s the sucking in of the air. I know when our kids were little, you want to protect them from t hose experiences but at the same time, how much is that putting a negative thought in their brain of, “I’m not able to be adventurous or not able to make that decision”? That’s so hard. So hard.
The other day, I was actually at church. It was a Sunday morning and these kids are running. You know kids, it’s like they’re high-stepping, their knees are high. Little kids, they’re twirling around, they’re just walking in. I looked at somebody and I said, “Just think if we walked in as adults like that.” Just allowing your body to flow freely.
Yeah.
I almost think that’s a metaphor for even the internal world. What if our internal world was able to have that much freedom and flow freely?
Yeah, and just really be able to talk about what we’re really feeling and say the things that we really want to say. Because I think that we hold back so much.
Yeah. So you were starting your therapy practice a number of years ago. What were some of the biggest lies that you were tempted to believe as you were starting that?
I don’t have a business degree, so how can I actually start a business?
Okay.
I’m so young. I don’t have the knowledge yet or the life experience yet to be able to help these people.
How many years ago was this?
This was back in 2014.
Okay, so about six years ago.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, and it really held me back for a while. I remember when I started my first practice, I was afraid to even tell friends, family. Eventually once I told them, I was sort of actually forced to tell them because the business grew so quickly. I was in a place where I was just amazed that it grew so fast and I was able to leave my nine to five within four months of starting it. But then being forced, my parents are going to wonder. My family’s going to wonder, why is she quitting her job? What is going on? Then needing to say, “I actually have this business.”
At first I thought it was just going to be a fun little hobby to be able to serve more people and fulfill just a greater need. Then it turned into a bigger business. All of those thoughts. How am I going to tell my family? What are they going to think? Everyone did think I was crazy. But I think it’s just about, sometimes you’re going to be the only person that believes in your dream and that’s okay. I think we often look for external validation with everything. Even small decisions we look for external validation. Whether it’s Google, or texting a friend, or a therapist. I really, really believe that we have all of our own answers. It’s just about us getting quiet enough to listen.
One of the things that I have struggled with and I see other people that I work and coach struggle with, is if there’s a faith or spirituality component to their life, that sometimes we can put so much stock in every little thing that happens, almost like a sign from God. I have to take a step back, whether it’s myself or somebody that I’m coaching and go, “It could be, but it could be that that person just cut you off in the parking lot and that wasn’t a sign from God that you weren’t supposed to go to that store.” You know what I mean? Whatever it is.
Yeah.
As you’re working with people, do you hear people that come from a spirituality background or wrestle with those signs from God?
Yeah, I would say probably only thirty percent, maybe fifty percent of the people I work with have a faith. I guess some of them say, “Maybe this is a sign from the universe.” But I agree with you, I think that sometimes it’s not even signs. Sometimes these things are put in front of us and maybe we’re steered in that direction to learn a lesson through it, but it’s not the sign that that’s going to be actually it.
I think of different things in my life, I remember so clearly back before I started my practice. About seven years ago, I was having this opportunity for my husband’s job to move to Chicago. I remember telling myself, “Wow, it seems like this is what God wants for us. There are all of these little signs that are leading to this.” Back then, I did. I believed in all of those little signs.
Not that I don’t now, but it looked perfect like that’s exactly like that’s what was supposed to happen, but that’s not what was supposed to happen and it didn’t end up happening. But those signs led me to where I was supposed to be. Where that was supposed to be was actually just thinking bigger. Like, “Oh, I’m actually not really that happy with my job right now, so maybe I should start to look for an out.” That’s one of the reasons why I started researching business. Without those little signs, I probably wouldn’t have had the courage to start my business as soon as I did. So I think looking at them as redirections almost.
Yeah, it’s so tricky. That’s so tricky. In your book, you talk about getting back to an inner child mindset. That’s kind of a way to move away from these lies. You share about that in the introduction. What does that mean or look like to get back to an inner child mindset?
Yeah. Who were you before the world told you that you couldn’t?
Okay.
What were those things? I really believe that the things that we wanted as little kids, before we started listening to the outside chatter…
Yeah.
A lot of those things are actually what we really still want today. I think that our minds get very clouded. The older that we get, we start to think maybe a little bit more rationally, like, “This makes sense, so this is why I need to do this.” But when I think back to where I was as a child and all of those things that I loved, many of those things are the things that I am doing today. Just socializing, and having fun, and being creative in my business. Where in my nine to five before, I wasn’t really able to do all of that.
So I think just trying to go back and think of your first memory or some of those very early memories. What were those dreams you had? Did you want to be a firefighter or did you want to be a newscaster? What did you want to be? What did you love to do? Was it dancing? Was it art? How is your life just filled with other things now that are taking up space like responsibilities? How can you get back to that old place? Maybe it’s going and taking a dance class. Or maybe it’s going to one of those sip and drip nights, where you go and you get a glass of wine and you do a painting.
I think that when we can go back to that inner child mindset, I think that our minds get more creative and we start to think bigger. I think of myself when I’m on the floor playing with my girls, and I’m not distracted, and I have my phone away, sometimes the best ideas from my business are born in those moments.
Wow, that’s powerful. Yeah, I love helping other people and myself go back to those. I love how you said that. That resonates so strongly with me because there does seem to be something at the core of who we are that’s so unadulterated, so beautiful. I don’t know about pristine but unadulterated, and beautiful, and so fresh. I think about as a I was a kid, I would take a piece of paper and I would map out my room. Once every couple of months I would move all the furniture around in my room to organize it in the best efficient, or effective, or fun, or creative way. I literally would plan it out on a piece of paper.
For me, there’s something about that process that goes, “Wow, I’m creative. I like to think in terms of systems. I like to decorate.” Our home is decorated by me. My wife is not interested in that kind of thing. I love to move things around. It’s so fun to know that was part of me from the very early ages of my life and how can I tap into that now?
Yeah, I love that story. It’s funny, my grandmother recently sent me a picture of my father when he was six years old. He had this Lincoln Logs. You remember Lincoln Logs?
Oh yeah, of course.
He had this elaborate — how did a six year old even build that? It’s funny, because later on in life, he was a pastor but he also did construction and contracting, and loved renovating homes and flipped homes. He went back and tapped into that, which is so cool.
Yeah, how about yourself? What do you think about in your childhood? That kind of thing?
As a child, it’s so funny because I always wanted to be a performer. I wanted to sing, I wanted to dance, I wanted to be a newscaster. I used to watch The Today Show with my mom as a little girl and I wanted to be on that. I wanted to have my own TV show. I don’t do that today, but I have a podcast. I enjoy going on podcasts. I enjoy connecting with people.
I also think of some of the things that I did as a little girl, I was always talking and getting in trouble. It’s funny because I’ve been able to use that. I remember teachers saying, “She’s just a social butterfly. We can’t get her to quiet down. We can’t get her to focus or do her work.” Today that’s the thing that I get to use. I get to use my voice. I get to connect with people in my business. It’s just fun that I’ve even taken something that was a detriment to me when I was younger, and turned it into something that’s profitable, and my passion, and something that I get to use as a platform.
One of the things in your book early on before we even get into the lies, you ask us to keep moving forward even if the lies seem overwhelming.
Yeah.
I want to chat through several of these lies in a minute but I want people to buy the book to get all twelve. Because my guess is when people read the lies, they will go, “Oh yeah, that’s me.” “Oh yeah, that’s me.” Because sometimes we don’t even realize we’re believing that until we hear somebody else explain it. But you say, “Will you keep moving forward? Please keep moving forward even in the midst of the lies if they’re overwhelming.”
Why do you ask us to do that? And how can I do that when it feels so overwhelming to feel like I’m not enough, or I don’t have enough money, or people don’t like me, or whatever it might be?
Yeah, I think it’s so important to keep building that momentum. Because we know doing something a little bit and continuing to do it, before you know it, you have something big done. I think we can get so paralyzed at times, where we feel stuck. For some people, just getting out of bed in the morning is just such a hard thing. They can barely put their feet on the floor because maybe they’re so depressed. For them, that’s your first step. Just try to get yourself out of bed. Then take that next step.
I think, again, it’s so easy to get paralyzed and to get stuck. I think it’s just finding those little tiny next steps. I think sometimes it’s not even looking at the big picture goal, because I think that can be really overwhelming, but how can I break that goal up into small, little attainable steps? Then take the even smaller steps. So I think when I started my business, it felt so scary and overwhelming, and didn’t know where to start. So rather than sit there in fear and insecurity, I just went onto the computer and typed in, “How to start a business?” That was my first step. To just get a little bit comfortable about reading some articles about business. Then take the next step, then the next step.
I think before you know it, that really starts to grow your confidence. Then you’re actually somewhere and you’re not where you were before. So I think every day doing something little, that will bring you closer to your goal. Again, doing something scary every day. It could be something, I always say something as small as, or maybe as big as for someone, walking into a gas station and saying, “Hey, can I have four quarters for a dollar without buying anything?” So just for someone it’s practicing those assertiveness skills. How can I speak up? Often we tell ourselves, “Oh, I don’t have an opportunity to do that. I don’t have an opportunity to practice this or that,” but we can really find these opportunities if we look for them.
Kate, I’m just getting to know you. Your book is called Thinking Like a Boss. I’ve got to tell you, you’re so sweet. You seem so nice. You’re not like kick butt — not that you can’t be, I’m just getting to know you.
Yeah.
But it’s so interesting that if I were to read this book without knowing you and not talking to you, I’d be like, “Oh my gosh, she is so hardcore.” You’re so sweet. You’re so nice.
Thank you. Thank you.
Yes. I think it’s so interesting because I’m wondering how many people in order to be an entrepreneur or take ground, “I need to think like a boss!”
Yeah. When I first came into the business realm, especially the online space. Once I decided to open an online therapy practice, it’s funny because, me being just sweet and this is just me.
Are you sweet or are you messing with me?
Oh no, I’m sweet. If you ask my husband in the other room, it might be a different story. Actually it’s funny because I didn’t talk about this in the book or anything, but I love that you asked this question because you got me thinking. I told myself a lie that in order to be successful, I had to be tough. I had to be stern. I couldn’t be sweet. I couldn’t be the feminine person that I am. I had to be that big boss.
Yeah.
I remember trying to be that way and trying to write sales copy that spoke more in that way. I feel like I’m very open hearted and I’m okay with talking about my vulnerabilities. I felt like I had to be tough and put that external boss face on, and not be able to really share who I was.
Sure.
I realized it wasn’t working. I think when we get to that place where we’re trying to start setting boundaries with people or we’re trying to be respected, we think that we have to act a certain way, but honestly, you can act however you are. Just show up as yourself and set boundaries. So if you are sort of like me, you can still be a boundaried person, you can still give tough love.
Of course.
You ask some people and they’re like, “Oh wow, we don’t overstep with her.” You can still be respected.
Sure.
By being this way. You don’t have to be hardcore.
Yeah, yeah. I said that about reading your book, in your book you come through as very — I never even used that word sweet. I feel awkward. I hope that doesn’t feel awkward to you.
Not at all. No, no, no, not at all.
But the book is very authentic. It comes through as sweet. But the cover is not sweet. The cover is like, “I am going to kick your butt!”
It’s so funny you said that because there’s a whole story behind the cover. I haven’t really shared it yet. If you want, I can share it with you how we got this picture.
Do it.
So the morning that we were about to go and have this cover shoot, I had a photographer flying in from Dallas. I’m so excited. I’m in my head.
Because there are no photographers in New York. You had to have somebody fly in from Dallas. What the heck?
She’s so good at book covers. She’s done so many book covers that I just had to have her.
I love it.
Yeah, I was just in my head, “How am I going to make this the best cover? How am I going to look the best?” This and that. I didn’t like my hair. Long story short, I actually went and grabbed kitchen shears and cut my hair.
You did not!
Yes. Yes. I had just gotten a haircut. It was one of those quick ones from those walk-in places because I didn’t have enough time to see my regular girl, and it just was not what I wanted. So I YouTubed how to cut your own hair, did it. It looks fine on the cover. It doesn’t look horrible.
It looks great! Yeah.
My little ones were sick. They were up the whole night before. It was just one of those days where you’re just like, “I don’t even want to do this. I feel like a mess, life’s a disaster.” Went to this cover shoot. Again, I think often we get so caught up in our heads about me, me, me. What are people going to think? What are they going to think about the cover? How are they going to perceive me? This or that. I got caught in my head that morning.
Then there was a moment during the shoot, and she was snapping me, taking these pictures. There’s a million of these pictures. I just said, “I just want to pause for a second because I need to get out of my head.” I just started to think about — it clicked. “This book is not about me. Why am I making this about me? This is ridiculous. I’m being so silly right now. This book is about all these women who need to hear what’s inside of this.”
Sure.
“So why am I making this cover pictures about me?” There was this beautiful song on the background the photographer had on, I just started to get teary. I’m not really a crier at all. I rarely cry. I started to get teary. She was like, “Stay like that. Just stay like that,” and she just snapped the pictures. I’m like, “That’s going to be the picture.” So I’m actually on the verge of tears in this picture.
Wow.
So it’s so funny because it looks like a boss kind of face, but it’s actually me just in a breakdown moment, going through a breakthrough. Just reminding myself, this is not about me. I knew because I saw the whole series of pictures and I’m like, “That’s the one. It’s right there.”
Nice. Nice, that is very fun. Yeah, well you look gorgeous, and badass, and powerful all at the same time, but the book is an embodiment of your sweetness. Let’s talk about some of the lies, because you do tackle twelve really powerful ones. Do you mind picking? Maybe we’ll just through a few here, some of your favorite lies. Maybe just talk about them for a few minutes.
Yeah.
Is there one that stands out to you?
Probably my favorite is the lie about not having enough time.
Okay, not having enough time. This is lie number nine.
Yes, because we all have the same hours in the day. Right? I think that us saying there’s not enough time, it’s really just an excuse for either, I’m scared or maybe I don’t want whatever I’m saying I don’t have enough time for. It’s about us replacing that lie of, I don’t have enough time with, I actually have more than enough time for the things that are priorities in my life, the people that are priorities in my life. I just have to figure out how to set boundaries and how to get to those places, or get these things that I’m looking for.
Again, I think that for many women, it ties into the lie of, I can’t be a good business owner and a good mom, like I think a lot of us tell ourselves. I can’t have a business and be a mom because I don’t have the time. I think we find all of these little excuses rather than just move ahead. I think it’s just, how can you stop today and evaluate your schedule, evaluate all of the priorities, and all of the commitments in your life, and just start to live your life doing what you want to do?
Not doing what you think you should do, or what you need to do, or what you have to do, and just starting asking yourself, what do I actually want? Because that’s the only way to get where you want to go, is to know what it is that you want. Now that I know what I want, how can I set the boundaries to get there? Because I think in order to get there, we have to set boundaries. We have to cut things out.
As you’re working with women, what are some of those things that you have found that your clients have to say no to in order to create that time that they need in order to start something in their life?
I think sometimes it could be something as easy as letting someone pick your brain or saying no to a relationship that maybe isn’t serving you anymore. Maybe it’s very one-sided, maybe it’s toxic, maybe it’s saying no to something as little as Netflix. My dream is very big and I want to get there, I need to say no to some of these habits or behaviors that I have that aren’t serving me anymore. Setting boundaries like saying no to driving someone to airport if maybe you don’t need to.
I think sometimes it’s hard for us to say no right away to things, so what I always like to say is, just say, “Hey, let me go check my calendar,” or “Let me get back to you.” I think we live in this day and age with Instagram DM’s and Facebook PM’s that we feel like we have to get back to people right away. We feel like we have to rush. There is no rush. We don’t owe anyone anything. It’s okay to say, “I’ll get back to you tomorrow,” or “I’ll get back to you in a few days.”
I think that when we do that, it gives the other person the expectation of, “Oh, maybe I need to look for backup.” Or, “Maybe this is not going to work out and that’s fine, so I’m going to find these other avenues to take.” So I think just starting there, sometimes just saying no or saying let me get back to you.
It seems like you’re saying we need to say no to other people possibly, but also I hear you saying that we may need to say no to ourselves.
Yeah.
I think that one’s just as hard.
Yeah.
What are some of the things? You mentioned Netflix, but what are some other things that you have coached your clients to have to say no to?
I think we allow other people’s behavior, right? So we can put a line down in the sand and say, “No you’re not crossing this.” I think often we almost play the victim of, “These people are overstepping my boundaries.” But it’s like, no, you’re actually overstepping your own boundaries, like you’re replying back right away, you’re not saying no to their request. So I think that we need to sometimes pause ourselves. I think it’s hard.
I think it’s almost harder at times to set a boundary with ourselves than with other people. I think for some people it’s just as simple as penciling things into your calendar. Like, “I’m going to take a lunch break.” Or, “I’m going to take a little bit of self-care time.” Rather than letting your schedule just overflow with these commitments, or these things that maybe really aren’t serving you or aren’t moving the needle in your life or your business.
I think another thing is that sometimes we have to say no to things that we actively want to do, because maybe they’re not the best opportunity for us right now. Or maybe we want to do it because we want to say yes out of scarcity. If I don’t say yes to this, I might miss out on this opportunity. Or if I don’t say yes to this, I may never get this opportunity again. I think if that’s your mindset, I think that you need to again, always step back and get quiet.
That’s the answer for everything. Step back, get quiet, and say, “What is it that I really want? How is this really serving me right now? Is this something that, yes, it’s a great opportunity, but maybe it’s not what I need in this moment.” I think that saying no to even great things will open up space for even better things to come in, and those opportunities may arise again in the future.
I love how you said at the beginning about our chat about this particular lie, that it’s really about determining what is your highest priority.
Yeah.
And how do you then make the decision in light of that? That is so hard. That is so hard sometimes. Especially when we’ve been doing something for so long, whatever the rut is we’re in. Choosing to help other people or whatever it might be. It’s like, “Okay, well you only have so much time.”
Yeah.
So you can spend it helping that other person as they pick your brain and that’s not going to help you with your business or whatever.
Yeah.
Or you can spend that time focused on moving your business forward. That is just so hard. So hard. So I don’t have enough time. So state that again, you said I have more than enough time. I heard you say that.
Yeah.
End of that statement though.
I have more than enough time for my priorities, for the people that I care about, for the things that I want most in life. There’s always enough time. Always enough time.
Yeah, so good. Okay, what’s another lie that’s a favorite of yours?
The hardest chapter for me to write was the motherhood chapter, chapter seven.
Okay, I can’t possibly have a successful business and be good mom. How old are your kids right now?
Fifteen months and two and a half.
And they’re both girls?
Both girls. Charlie and Annabelle, yeah.
Gosh, that’s so cute. Such cute names. Charlie, how did you come up with that name?
I always loved the name Charlie. Her real name is Charlotte, but I said I want a daughter named Charlie. Annabelle’s the first, you know how you just feel like a name is right or wrong for the baby? “I love this name. I love it, but maybe it’s not the right time,” like we just talked about. “I always loved the name Charlie, but I just felt like I don’t think this is the name for her. I’d like Annabelle for her, so we’re going to go with Annabelle.” Then for the second one I’m like, “She’s Charlie. She’s definitely my Charlie.”
What did your husband say?
Oh, he loved the name too.
Okay, and he was cool with Annabelle? He didn’t need the first child to be Charlie?
Yeah. No, no.
Glad you guys were on the same page. I wanted to name our son Remington and my wife was not up for that because we knew somebody with a dog named Remington and it just ruined the whole thing. Okay, so I can’t possibly have a successful business and be a good mom. Why did you believe that?
Yeah, so I was in a place where we didn’t have kids yet. We had a dog and I remember my husband saying to me, “Kate, all you do is talk about not having enough time. You don’t have enough time to bring him to training.” We both did our fair share of training him. “You don’t have enough time to play with him. How are you ever going to –,” and he said this out of complete love too. I just want the preface with that, he said it out of complete love. “How are you ever going to have enough time to have kids if we want to have a family some day?”
That got me thinking, “All right, I don’t actually know if I want to have a family someday. I’m not sure if that is something that I’m still going to want to do, because I really love my business.” I was in a place where it was probably an unhealthy place. I really love to work and I love the work that I do. Our pregnancy was a surprise and it was exactly what I needed. It was a gift that was handed to me. Because I really think that if I had not become a mother, I probably would not be where I am right now. My relationship with my husband probably would have gone in a different direction. I would have been a workaholic. I wouldn’t have been in a good mind space. I would not have written this book. So I think it was just such a gift.
It was something that I really had to work though. At first I felt like, “Okay, I can handle this. I think that my baby will probably take a nap, will probably sleep. I can work during those hours.” Of course, we had the baby that never napped and didn’t take a bottle, so we couldn’t even get her into daycare because she wasn’t on a bottle. I was in such a low place, just believing that I lost my businesses. That this was over and I’d have to go back to maybe a nine to five in the future. That’s actually how the book was born. I was just was in my head, just feeling like I lost everything, even though I had this beautiful baby in my arms. I just started to write my feelings down on paper. Little by little, it ended up turning into this book. Everything in this book started with that motherhood chapter.
Wow.
What I realized is that number one, moms and dads are superheroes. They can get anything done. Give something to them and they will get it done, even if they’re busy. Because they’re typically very good at boundaries. Everything that I do in life and business now, this is something that I like to ask myself is, “Do I really want to do this?” Because me going and letting someone pick my brain for an hour, that’s an hour that I’m away from my kids and away from my family. Is it really worth it? Is it really going to make that much of an impact? Am I making more of an impact on that person? Or on my family? Is there a way that I can make a bigger impact in a middle ground?
So now it’s like, “All right, maybe I can do a whole meet up and invite lots of women over for coffee.” That’s what I do actually quarterly at my house. Or can I sit down a write a blog? Can I ask that person, “Hey, what were your questions? I’m really interested to hear. I really want to help you but I think that these questions can be answered to a lot more people. I think a lot of people can get value from this, so I’m going to write a blog post about it instead.” And sit down, and maybe that forty-five minutes of writing the blog post will make such a big impact on many people.
I’ve learned to just become very good at simplifying too and just making things easy. That’s my motto. Just make it easy. Make it easy. Sometimes it just drives people crazy. Because they’re like, “Yeah, but this would be great.” I’m like, “No, just make it easy. Don’t make it hard on yourself. Just make it easy.”
So now you have a successful business and you’re a good mom.
Yeah.
How does that feel?
It feels great. Yeah, it feels great. I will say there are days where I do at times still feel like I’m failing at both, but I remind myself this is just a feeling right now, this will pass, and here’s the evidence. This is why I’m a good mom, and this is why I am good at my business, and this is how my business is succeeding. I think that with every new up-level in life and business, there’s always going to be a breakdown before the breakthrough.
You’re going to be challenged and pushed in a different way and I think that’s just growth. I think that in every new opportunity, it’s going to feel scary or you’re not going to feel equipped. Reminding yourself and showing yourself that past evidence of how you were in the past and how you can get through it again.
How would your journey have been different if you would have had this book prior to starting your therapy practice?
Oh, I love that question. I would have saved myself a lot of money.
What did you spend money on?
Just things that, again, I thought I had to have, or needed to have, or should have, like investing in copywriters too early on in my business. Investing in really nice branding too early on in my business. I say, if you’re going to start a business, just get it started. Don’t make everything perfect. Save your money for a little bit later. Once you feel like you have your target audience, you’re bringing income into your business, you really feel secure and confident, then start to invest in that stuff.
Just do it scrappy in the beginning, piece it together. Everyone has to start somewhere. There is some quote out there. I can’t remember it, I’m going to botch it. But it’s like, if you’re not embarrassed by your early beginnings, you started way too late. Yeah, it would have saved me a lot of money. I just wish this book was around back then, it would have saved me.
Here’s the other thing too, it would have made things easier, but I think sometimes we have to learn on our own. I think we have to learn through our — I don’t like to call it mistakes, but I think we need to trip and fall a little bit. I think we are ready to receive messages at different times, so this book may have been presented to me back then and I would have thought, “Oh, I don’t need this right now. I’ve got it all together.” But today if this book would have been given to me, I would have said, “Oh, I need this today.”
Well, I’m glad that the book wasn’t there for you, because now you’ve written it.
Yeah.
And it’s a great resource for everyone else. The book is available now on Amazon and it’s called Thinking Like a Boss: Uncover and Overcome the Lies Holding you Back From Success. You can swipe up on your phone and the link is in our show notes right there on your phone, or you can go to our website and you can find it there, the link to amazon. So Kate, I love, love, love this book. I love your heart.
Thank you.
It’s fun getting to know you and how you’re making a difference in the world, so thank you for writing this book.
Thank you so much. This is a great conversation.
