{"id":7101,"date":"2019-07-25T06:00:03","date_gmt":"2019-07-25T06:00:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/insporising.com\/copy-of-051-without-a-goal-youre-going-nowhere-fast-david-trotter\/"},"modified":"2021-03-03T23:14:15","modified_gmt":"2021-03-03T15:14:15","slug":"052-master-your-feminine-energy-to-cultivate-the-relationship-you-long-for-anita-stoudmire","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/insporising.com\/?p=7101","title":{"rendered":"052: Master Your Feminine Energy to Cultivate the Relationship You Long For &#8211; Anita Stoudmire"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/embed.radiopublic.com\/e?if=inspiration-rising-WY5X55&amp;ge=s1!d1a46e852ad3aba2336fe384a637e2c213b9b535\" width=\"100%\" height=\"185\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" sandbox=\"allow-same-origin allow-scripts allow-top-navigation allow-popups\"><\/iframe><\/p>\r\n<p><strong>Anita Stoudmire<\/strong> is a licensed professional therapist, love mentor, and founder of <a href=\"http:\/\/www.betterlovemovement.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Better Love Movement<\/a>, an online coaching business that helps women of all ages master their feminine power and create the relationships they want. Based in Virginia, Anita has a private counseling practice known as <a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/therapists\/growth-therapy-center-glen-allen-va\/475549\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Growth Therapy Center<\/a>, which focuses on couples counseling and relationship issues for singles. Anita is passionate about all things love and relationships as she knows that the quality of our lives are that much richer when our personal relationships are healthy and fulfilling. She is also the host of the <a href=\"https:\/\/betterlovemovement.com\/podcasts\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Better Love Movement podcast<\/a> and creator of the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.udemy.com\/30-days-to-mastering-your-feminine-power\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\u201c30 Days to Mastering Your Feminine Power\u201d<\/a> mini-course.<\/p>\r\n<p><b>In This Episode, You Will Learn Anita&#8217;s Take On:<\/b><\/p>\r\n<ul>\r\n<li>The difference between feminine and masculine energy.<\/li>\r\n<li>The importance of highlighting the uniqueness between men and women.<\/li>\r\n<li>How a woman&#8217;s use of masculine energy is positive in the workplace and detrimental in romantic relationships.<\/li>\r\n<li>Ways that a woman can master her feminine energy in a relationship.<\/li>\r\n<li>How to use your feminine energy on dating apps.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\n<p><strong>Create beautiful, engaging social media in 5 minutes a day &#8211;<\/strong>\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.riseupcreatives.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">www.RiseUpCreatives.com<\/a><\/p>\r\n<p><strong>Connect with Anita:<\/strong><\/p>\r\n<ul>\r\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.udemy.com\/30-days-to-mastering-your-feminine-power\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">30 Days to Mastering Your Feminine Power<\/a> &#8211; mini-course.<\/li>\r\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/www.betterlovemovement.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Better Love Movement<\/a><\/li>\r\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/betterlovemovement.com\/podcasts\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Better Love Movement Podcast<\/a><\/li>\r\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/therapists\/growth-therapy-center-glen-allen-va\/475549\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Growth Therapy Center<\/a><\/li>\r\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/betterlovemovement\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Facebook<\/a><\/li>\r\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/betterlovemovement\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Instagram<\/a><\/li>\r\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/channel\/UCdz0qRfW_Gk_Ts-PleX4_lA\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">YouTube<\/a><\/li>\r\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/anitastoudmire\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">LinkedIn<\/a><\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\n<p><strong>Don\u2019t Miss A Single Episode:<\/strong><\/p>\r\n<ul>\r\n<li><strong>Subscribe<\/strong>\u00a0on\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/inspiration-rising\/id1448649388\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" aria-label=\" (opens in a new tab)\">Apple Podcasts<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/play.google.com\/music\/m\/Iqrp5q3bagph2t23malprd3dxvy?t=Launch_Yourself_Today\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Google Podcasts<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/42zIsXzjCibZt49xdCRvB4\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Spotify<\/a>, or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.stitcher.com\/podcast\/in-plain-sight\/launch-yourself-today\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Stitcher<\/a>.<\/li>\r\n<li><strong>Leave a quick review<\/strong>\u00a0on any of the podcast apps to tell people what you think about the show.<\/li>\r\n<li><strong>Take a screenshot of the podcast<\/strong> and post it on Instagram or Instagram Stories. Tag us <a href=\"http:\/\/www.instagram.com\/insporising\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">@insporising<\/a>. We\u2019ll repost and give you a shoutout!<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\n<p><\/p>\r\n<div class=\"wp-block-spacer\" style=\"height: 31px;\" aria-hidden=\"true\">\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<p>\r\n\r\n<\/p>\r\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\" \/>\r\n<p>\r\n\r\n<\/p>\r\n<div class=\"wp-block-spacer\" style=\"height: 35px;\" aria-hidden=\"true\">\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<p>\r\n\r\n<\/p>\r\n<h1 class=\"wp-block-heading\" style=\"text-align: center;\">Interview Transcript<\/h1>\r\n<p>\r\n\r\n<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\"><b>Anita, thank you so much for taking some time to hang with me today.<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Yes. Yes, thank you for having me. I appreciate it.<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>Well, today we\u2019re talking all about feminine power and energy. <\/b><b>I want to hear you describe the difference between feminine and masculine energy, and maybe even the difference between energy and power or if those are interchangeable for you.<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">This is my favorite topic in the world. It is one of those things that I am really trying to get women to embrace, because I believe the culture has sold us this narrative that as women, we need to utilize our masculine energy out in the world when we\u2019re doing what we\u2019re doing. Which is amazing things and that\u2019s great, but we have kind of fallen back from all the benefits of the feminine side of us. So, feminine and masculine energy, it resides in every single person; both energies. And we need both energies in which to get things done, to relate to the people in our lives, to relate to our loved ones, our kids, nature. But for women, because we have been told that this masculine energy that we\u2019re using out in the world to have our careers and to take care of our children and our households, we\u2019ve been told that\u2019s kind of the way to go and we\u2019re really missing out on the best part of us, which is that feminine energy &#8211; that feminine power that resides inside of every woman.<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>How would you describe the difference between feminine and masculine energies?<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">So, masculine energy, it\u2019s a very focused and directed energy. It\u2019s the energy we\u2019re going to use to get things done. It\u2019s a very competitive and conquering energy. It resides predominantly in our heads, so it\u2019s what we think. And then our feminine energy is a more creative energy, it\u2019s a more feeling energy. It resides in our bodies and our hearts and it\u2019s that energy we\u2019re going to use; it\u2019s more passive, it\u2019s more patient, it\u2019s more vulnerable. And so again, men and women have both of these energies inside of them and the culture today just &#8211; it celebrates masculine energy because it believes that that\u2019s the way to go. You want to be competitive out there and you want to be very focused and directed, but there\u2019s a power in feminine energy that we\u2019re missing and I want to talk more about that.<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>Yeah, and you\u2019re talking about culture kind of wanting women particularly to focus on that masculine energy. Why do you think it\u2019s important to seek to differentiate between these two? Because in reality, our culture, not just from my perspective, is seeking to have women focus on masculine energy in the workplace but it seems like there\u2019s a desire to eliminate any uniqueness between men and women all together and say that, \u201cWell, there is no difference. There is no difference in these energies.\u201d<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Right, and that &#8211; it hurts me to hear that, because we are different. We are very different and so what I want to see happen is, I want us to celebrate those differences instead of trying to make it seem like that\u2019s a bad thing and so we\u2019re all the same. No, I want us to accept and celebrate the fact that we are very different and those energies are very different and both of them are equally useful. We\u2019re just going to use them in different ways and at different times, but yes, I see that a lot. That the culture wants us to kind of all be the same, and men and women are different. We\u2019re biologically different, which is pretty apparent. But there is an energetic difference in us as well and I really wish that the culture would be open to accepting feminine energy, not only is it incredibly powerful, it is very useful. It\u2019s useful in our romantic relationships to bring about polarity between men and women.<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>It\u2019s funny because as I\u2019m talking to women on our podcast, oftentimes they\u2019ll say before a statement, \u201cI don\u2019t want to speak in generalistic terms. I don\u2019t want to speak in prejudicial terms, but there is this difference that I happen to see.\u201d So, it\u2019s like this &#8211; it\u2019s a way of kind of protecting ourselves before we even say that there are differences between us. And then, that\u2019s a tough part of conversation because obviously we\u2019re saying there\u2019s no difference in value. And I think that we know that the pendulum has swung in our culture because of the fact that we\u2019re trying to make up for the fact that there has been a greater value on men then there is on women, and we see that in wages of course &#8211; that are paid. But I love what you\u2019re saying. Okay, there is a uniqueness, how do we celebrate this uniqueness? So, one of the things that I know you do is you coach women on dating and love and relationships. And so, as you\u2019re coaching women who have been excelling in the workplace using probably maybe a little bit more of their masculine energy to do that, how is that impacting their romantic relationships?<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">It is hurting their romantic relationships because they have taken on the role of their male counterpart; there\u2019s no real room for him in a romantic relationship. And so, I tell a lot of my ladies, \u201cOkay, so equality exists out there at work. It exists out there in the world, but in your romantic relationship, we are seeking equity. We\u2019re not seeking equality. We\u2019re seeking\u2026\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>What\u2019s the difference? Come on now, break that down.<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Yeah, so equity says that while we may do different things, we may have different roles at home, those roles are still fair and so that is going to keep our romantic relationship intimate. So, equality on a date looks like me coming to the house and me picking you up and driving to the date and me holding the door open for you and maybe pulling out your chair, and then when the bill comes, we split the bill and then you will hold the door open for me and then you will drive home. So, that\u2019ll be a nice 50\/50 date. Whereas in a romantic relationship, because we want intimacy, we want passion, we want romance, that looks like a man picking us up and holding our car door open and holding the door open to the restaurant and treating us, dare I say it, like a girl. Paying for the dinner and then us coming home and perhaps he will get a little something for treating us like that. That is an equitable and fair exchange amongst men and women romantically. So, I want to keep romantic relationships romantic. I want to keep them intimate. I want to keep them spicy, and the way to do that is that we each have a role, we each have a part and those parts are equitably advantageous for both of us. That\u2019s what I\u2019d like to see.<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>Different roles, same value obviously. Now one of the things that you mentioned there was, it seems like a bit more of a traditional role. You\u2019re not using that term, but maybe of a traditional cultural role of a man playing a role of treating a woman with respect with serving her in different ways, yet you also mentioned the possibility of rewarding him in some way. How does that play out if there\u2019s an expectation on his part? Like, if I do this, then she\u2019ll do this for me. You know what I mean? How does that play out in your mind?<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">So, I have been accused of having some very old fashioned ways and I\u2019m good. I\u2019m good. I\u2019m good. The tagline for my business has always been \u201cVintage love in a modern day world.\u201d I do want to see us return to some of the values from yesteryear. I believe they work and I believe that everyone kind of knows what is expected and they work. So, I have been accused of that. I have been accused of using my grandmother and great grandmother\u2019s flirtatious ways in which to engage men with the ladies that I coach. And so, I\u2019m okay with that. I know for a lot of modern day women, they say, \u201cWell, that\u2019s not very politically correct and I should be able to pay for the check as well as him,\u201d or \u201cI should be able to -.\u201d And you know what? Because these energies reside in both of us, there are women out there who are more comfortable in their masculine energy and I would encourage them then to find a man who\u2019s more comfortable in his feminine energy. So, it doesn\u2019t matter which gender these reside in, I just ask people to find &#8211; to make sure there\u2019s one of each in the relationship. That\u2019s going to maintain the spice and the spark in the relationship. So, if a woman is in fact more comfortable in her masculine energy, if she wants to do these things, I would really encourage her to find a man who\u2019s more comfortable in his feminine energy. That\u2019s the whole idea about polarity, is that there\u2019s kind of one of each. That\u2019s what keeps things exciting.<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>Sure, sure. So, I know you talk a lot about &#8211; well, obviously you coach women on how to connect in relationships. So, let\u2019s just &#8211; I\u2019d love to go down two paths if we could. One path for just a moment, would be a women who\u2019s looking for a partner and the other path would be a woman who maybe already has a partner. <\/b><b>Alright, so let\u2019s talk about the woman who is looking for a partner. How would you suggest that she go about this in this day and age? Because maybe she\u2019s had some tough experiences, maybe she\u2019s coming out of a divorce, she\u2019s looking to date but doesn\u2019t quite know how to re-engage. How would you coach her about this &#8211; using her feminine energy or power?<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">So, the first thing I want to find out is, what type of man and what type of relationship she\u2019s looking for. And so, a lot of women, even modern day women, do want a man that I would consider to be more masculine. They want someone who\u2019s more directed and focused, someone who\u2019s going to give and do and he knows what he wants, he\u2019s very decisive. Most women describe a masculine energy man and so, then I deliver the news, \u201cWell, okay. He is looking for a more feminine energy woman. And so, I\u2019m going to want you to drop back &#8211; drop down into your feminine energy. I want you to connect more with your feelings. I want you to connect with your heart and that\u2019s how you\u2019re going to engage him. You\u2019re not going to engage him on the playing field of mind to mind or, \u2018What do you think?\u2019 You\u2019re going to engage him with your feelings,\u201d and so I help them to get more in touch with their feelings. To come out of their head and drop down into their heart, and that\u2019s how they\u2019re going to engage a man who is more of a masculine energy. And so, that simply looks like taking fantastic care of yourself. Putting yourself first. Focusing more on how you feel. How you feel when you\u2019re with men. How you feel on your own. Just really diving deep and that\u2019s a scary thing for a lot of women, because believe it or not, a lot of women fear intimacy. It\u2019s not really men that fear intimacy, it\u2019s women.<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>Why do you think that is?<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">You know, we fear being hurt. We fear a man really knowing us, right? Women have our &#8211; we\u2019ve got our stuff and we\u2019re not even sure if we like us, much less does the man like us? And so, there\u2019s a lot of fear there. There\u2019s a lot of fear of, \u201cIf he really saw me, would he like me? Would he love me?\u201d So, I really help women to get more comfortable with that. More comfortable with just falling madly in love with themselves.<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>We have a guest on several &#8211; quite a few episodes back, Dr. Shannon Gulbranson. She talks about dating yourself. That in order to date someone else, you first have to date yourself. Because if you don\u2019t know yourself, appreciate yourself and love yourself, then it\u2019s hard &#8211; how can I expect you to love and appreciate and date me?<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Oh, that\u2019s it. Right there, that\u2019s it. You have to fall madly in love with yourself, and when you do, your confidence soars. Your standards are high. You attract an amazing, high-value, masculine man when you\u2019re in that space. That\u2019s a good space to be in.<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>Sure. One of the most popular places &#8211; dare I say, the most popular place to find a spouse these days or partner, is through dating apps. Now you\u2019re talking about some vintage love here. Now I\u2019ve been married twenty-five years. I was just thinking about this morning in preparation for our interview &#8211; thinking, \u201cMy goodness, twenty-five years ago there were no dating apps. I had to actually go up to my future spouse and say \u2018Hello\u2019 and talk and so forth.\u201d So, how do you coach the women that you\u2019re helping? How do you coach them on how to deal with dating apps? Do you encourage that? Do you tell them, \u201cNo, you should stay away from that. You should be hitting the clubs. You should be hitting the bars. You should go to church.\u201d You know what I mean? How do I find a partner?<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">I\u2019m not a big fan of online dating. I had a webinar a couple of weeks back about online dating and I\u2019m not a big fan of it, but I will say this; I do encourage my ladies to do it practice these skills. Because they\u2019re so &#8211; these skills are so unfamiliar to them. Online dating is a great way, a very quick way to meet a lot of men in a little bit of time. And so, I teach them how to create their profile, how to engage men, just to make sure men are actually meeting them in person. And then when that happens, it\u2019s basically all practice, because I tell them, \u201cUnfortunately the odds are against you going onto apps or going online. Most men in these realms, they\u2019re not really serious.\u201d They\u2019re not serious. A lot of them\u2026<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>What? Come on, Anita.<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">They\u2019re already in relationships or they\u2019re married. So, the odds are against them unfortunately but I encourage them to use it to practice. It\u2019s a great place to practice your feminine power skills for the real world.<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>Okay, so what would it look like for me to create &#8211; not me &#8211; a woman, to create a profile that taps more into my feminine power than my masculine power? What would that look like?<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">So feminine energy online looks like lots of great pictures. All those pictures of you smiling, laughing, doing things that you enjoy, facial shots, full-body shots, and then you\u2019re going to choose three things that are amazing about you and that\u2019s it. You\u2019re going to talk about those three things in either three bulleted points or just three short sentences. But then you\u2019re going to speak a little bit more about what you\u2019re looking for. Because a woman, she\u2019s the CEO of her and she has an opening and she\u2019s looking for applicants. And so, you\u2019re going to talk a little bit about what you\u2019re looking for, the person you\u2019re looking to hire. And that\u2019s what a man really wants to know. So, \u201cWhat are you looking for? I want to apply for this position. What types of skills are you looking for? What types of experience?\u201d And once he sees that and sees, \u201cOkay, well that\u2019s me. I\u2019m going to apply.\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>You\u2019re talking his language.<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Yup, and then you\u2019re going to fish through all those applications and you\u2019re going to respond to the ones that interest you, that could in fact be a good fit for your company. And then you will engage from that place.<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>Okay, so now I\u2019m &#8211; if I\u2019m connecting with someone via the app, I\u2019m messing back and forth. I may be physically attracted to them. Maybe there\u2019s something of interest we have similar, we like to go hiking or whatever it is. How do you suggest that the messaging is there? How does that feminine energy come across in the messaging?<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">So, feminine energy is responsive first of all. We never initiate or engage men first. So, we wait until we are messaged and then we determine from that message if in fact we want to respond. So, feminine energy is a responsive energy. It responds to the man\u2019s initiating efforts and that\u2019s only if we want to respond. Like if it\u2019s someone we\u2019re not interested in or someone messages us something that\u2019s offensive, we just don\u2019t respond. But we respond and then we allow him to kind of guide and direct us in terms of setting up a plan, when we will meet, and again we let him take the lead and then we respond if that day and time is convenient or that activity is something we would like to do. But we kind of let him take the lead. We lean back and we allow him to engage us and we respond in ways that says, \u201cYes, I would like more of that.\u201d And then if we do not like it, we simply say, \u201cOh, is there something else that you\u2019d like to do?\u201d So, we don\u2019t initiate, we simply respond. We allow the man to be the masculine, which is he\u2019s going to decide, he\u2019s going to be very directed and focused on what he would like for us to do together.<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>Now the women that you\u2019re working with &#8211; your clients, when they hear you say this, does their jaw hit the floor? I mean, what is &#8211; you sound like from a 1950\u2019s, Anita. What is going on here?<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">I get lots of pushback. Lots of pushback until they try it. Because my first question is, \u201cSo, how is &#8211; the way you\u2019ve been doing things, how\u2019s it working for you?\u201d \u201cWell, you know, the last three relationships the guy ghosted me,\u201d or, \u201cIt didn\u2019t work out.\u201d Or, \u201cWe dated three years, didn\u2019t lead to marriage.\u201d \u201cOkay, so I want you to try this. I want you to try it and let me know what happens.\u201d And it\u2019s only when they go out in the world and they apply what I\u2019m teaching them, and they get amazing results. They\u2019re like, \u201cMan, this guy\u2019s calling me all the time, texting me all the time. He can\u2019t wait to see me. He\u2019s paying for dates and we\u2019re going here. He\u2019s planning dates.\u201d \u201cHmm, that sounds pretty great.\u201d So, when they apply it and they get good results, they usually are like, \u201cWow, this is fantastic.\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>Yeah. Yeah, it\u2019s amazing. Alright, I\u2019m just reflecting on what you\u2019re saying, because I am more aggressive, masculine. I\u2019m in my head. I\u2019m thinking. I\u2019m a type-A personality. So, when I met my wife, she\u2019s kind, she\u2019s beautiful, she allowed me &#8211; I did all the things. I mean, I would take her car and wash it. I would ask her out on lots of dates and she would kind of go along with this. As I\u2019ve gotten older, I will say that she has gained more of her voice and she\u2019s gotten stronger as an individual. Now we got married when I was twenty-one, she was twenty-two, so I\u2019ve seen her excel in that area and I find that to be very &#8211; I actually find that to be attractive at this season of life. I\u2019ll tell you a funny story. We took our dog to the groomer yesterday and usually my wife takes her but it was a different groomer, blah, blah, blah. They said, \u201cOh, do you want the nails cut in a certain way,\u201d and I said, \u201cOh, we don\u2019t usually do that, but how much extra?\u201d She said, \u201cOh, it\u2019s an extra $13.\u201d I said, \u201cAh, it\u2019s okay. Yeah, let\u2019s do it.\u201d So, my wife goes to pick up our dog yesterday and I didn\u2019t know any of this happened. She comes in the front door, she\u2019s got our dog in her hands and the first thing I thought of was &#8211; I go, \u201cOh, hey babe. I forgot to tell you, I added on a nail treatment thing.\u201d She goes, \u201cI can\u2019t believe you did that. I just said to them, \u2018There\u2019s no way my husband would add that on. I know he didn\u2019t add that on. I need you to remove that from the bill\u2019,\u201d and they did. And I was, \u201cI can\u2019t believe that!\u201d And she said, \u201cI was going to come home and tell you, \u2018Hey, you\u2019d be so proud of me because I stood up for the extra charge\u2019.\u201d<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Right.<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>\u201cAnd I actually stole money from them.\u201d<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Okay. Yeah.<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>So, anyway, it was funny because she was using that masculine energy to say, \u201cNo, I wouldn\u2019t -.\u201d Funny experience. Anyway, g<\/b><b>o ahead.<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">As women get older, they do &#8211; the roles do reverse as men and women get a little older. We do see where a man will be more in touch with his feminine energy and a woman will be more comfortable with her masculine energy. So, again, as long as there is a polarity there, then I support it. It\u2019s the same when a man is normally the one to handle certain things but let\u2019s say he got sick or something comes up. As long as there\u2019s communication, there\u2019s an understanding that, \u201cHey, I\u2019m not going to be able to handle this task I normally handle,\u201d and the woman says, \u201cSure, I have no problem taking care of it. I know you\u2019re going to be out of town,\u201d or \u201cI know you\u2019re not feeling well.\u201d We can always kind of interchange these roles with communication, because again those energies reside in both of us; masculine and feminine. Your men who are more creative types, the musicians and the artists, they have feminine energy within them that they\u2019re tapping into. So, yes, as you all get older, you\u2019re going to see some of that shift a little bit.<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>Yeah, yeah. Okay, so if a woman is struggling in this area, you said move down into her heart, focus on the emotions more. Are there some things that she could do while she\u2019s by herself in preparation to do that? You said self-care, you said falling in love with herself.<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Oh, gosh yes.<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>But what are some other things that she could do in preparation? She\u2019s not with a man at this moment but she wants to kind of practice moving in that direction.<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">So, the number one thing that I usually &#8211; the number one skill that I want women to get really, really good at that they\u2019re not good at, and that\u2019s receiving. It is so important. A woman can start doing this today. And what that looks like is, in areas where you\u2019re normally the giver and the doer, I want you to lean back. I want you to start receiving from people, especially men. And that looks like thanking someone for holding the door open for you. Or if they are helping you lift something. Or if they are paying for your coffee. Or, \u201cOh, I\u2019m going to get something to eat. Anyone want?\u201d \u201cOh, I would love it if you could get something for me.\u201d Get into the habit of receiving because feminine energy is a receptive energy. So, I get women started on that on the first day. That I want you to stop doing everything. Stop giving everything. Allow people to give to you. Allow men to do things for you and stop saying the masculine women\u2019s mantra, \u201cOh, no. I got it. I got it.\u201d No, you\u2019re never going to say that again. You\u2019re going to say, \u201cYes, thank you.\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>Sure, sure. Okay, real quick, I want us to take down the path of a women who already has a partner and maybe things have gotten a little stale, right? Things have maybe &#8211; they\u2019ve been married awhile or they\u2019ve been dating awhile or maybe they\u2019ve been living together awhile. How would you encourage her to leverage her feminine energy to spice up that relationship?<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">So, a man\u2019s number one &#8211; this is a gift to women and women don\u2019t receive this gift, but the number one thing about a man is, more than anything, he wants to make his woman happy. I hear that 98% of the time in couples therapy. \u201cWhat do you want most for this relationship?\u201d And he says, \u201cFor her to be happy.\u201d And so, I encourage women to leverage that. I want you to express ways in which he can make you happy and you\u2019re going to express it using your feelings. So, you\u2019re going to say something like, \u201cYou know what would feel really good? It would just feel so good if we could go out somewhere this weekend. If we could just, I don\u2019t know, go out on a date. What do you think?\u201d And then you simply ask him what he thinks about it, and give him the chance to meet that need for you, but start expressing how things feel, how good it would feel to do something or, \u201cOh, it would just feel great to have fresh cut flowers in the house. What do you think?\u201d Start expressing that more and start igniting this gene that I believe resides in every man, which is to make the woman he loves happy. And you\u2019re going to do that by expressing desires, ways that he can in fact make you happy. And then you\u2019re going to applaud it. You\u2019re going to appreciate it.<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>Yeah, it\u2019s so good. That\u2019s so good, \u201cWhat do you think?\u201d That\u2019s so interesting that you say that. Okay, so, \u201cBoy, it sure would be great to have this project done around the house. It would feel -.\u201d I\u2019ve got to connect to my feelings\u2026<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Yes, that\u2019s right. That\u2019s right.<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>As I\u2019m feeling it. Okay, and really, you\u2019re creating an opportunity for him to be the hero.<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">That\u2019s right. That\u2019s right.<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>So, now I feel like, \u201cOh, look at that. I not only made her happy. <\/b><b>I\u2019m the hero who did this.\u201d<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Yes, and if a woman can lay down her ego to allow for a man to feel that way &#8211; like allow for that, that is the gene that resides in every man. You want to ignite that every chance you get. And so, I tell my women clients, \u201cLay your ego down to allow for that. Let him be the hero. Let him be the hero and let him keep being the hero. Let him keep doing and giving to you, and in turn, you get to relax. You get to enjoy him wanting to make you happy and meeting those desires that you have.\u201d That\u2019s a win\/win. That\u2019s it<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>\u201cBut Anita, I do all the stuff around the house and he never tells me &#8211; he doesn\u2019t make me the hero. He doesn\u2019t thank me. He doesn\u2019t cheer me on. Why if he does the dishes one time, do I need to cheer him on and make him look like a hero? Why do I need to do that?\u201d<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">That is the way in which we are different. Women are multi-taskers by nature. Our brains are designed to do many things at once. I believe our brains are designed so that we get things done and we don\u2019t need a lot of strokes the way men are designed. In order to ignite that hero instinct in them, they need a lot of strokes and I\u2019m okay with it. Like I said, I want us to celebrate and accept how we\u2019re different. It\u2019s okay, we\u2019re just different in that way but men need strokes. They need to feel good about meeting our needs and we do that. Because again, at the end of the day, if all of these things got done around the house, I had time to relax, I had time to read, I had time to take a bath, I had time to get my nails done. That\u2019s what I\u2019m looking for more of. I\u2019m looking for more of that time for myself. If he\u2019s helping out or cutting the grass or whatever he\u2019s doing, I\u2019m doing less. He\u2019s doing a little more and at the same time, he feels good about that. That\u2019s what\u2019s most important, he feels good about giving to me.<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>When I finish a project around our house, I will literally say, \u201cBabe, just come look. Just come look.\u201d It\u2019s like I can\u2019t just let it be done. I\u2019ve got to, \u201cCome out and celebrate with me!\u201d <\/b><b>Yeah, and she does, a<\/b><b>nd I feel amazing. <\/b><b>So, yeah, that is one of the ways to get your partner to do a lot more around the house. <\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">It is. You\u2019ve got to appreciate it. Oh, my gosh. It\u2019s that radical appreciation. And I tell every woman, it could be as simple as when he comes in the door, acknowledging, \u201cHey! Oh, my gosh, you\u2019re home! Wow.\u201d And they laugh because they\u2019re like, \u201cUgh,\u201d but it just &#8211; it speaks volumes to a man. It makes him feel wanted and appreciated. So, I really tell them, \u201cI need you do that when he comes home. I need you to acknowledge, \u2018Hey! You\u2019re here! Oh, my gosh, how was your day?\u2019 Just acknowledge, it goes such a long way.\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>Anita, you are really swimming up the current &#8211; upstream. You\u2019re swimming upstream on a lot of this stuff.<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Yeah.<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>But it definitely resonates with me &#8211; some of the things that you\u2019re saying here. Wow. Okay, so you\u2019ve got a course that is out now and it\u2019s called <i>Thirty Days to Mastering Your Feminine Power<\/i>. <\/b><b>Tell me about this course. Who should take it?<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">So, this course is for any woman. So, whether she\u2019s single and out there looking or I should say a man is looking for her. She\u2019s wanting to be courted by a man or if she\u2019s in a relationship and she wants to have it all without doing it all. She needs to shift her energy into feminine energy in her romantic relationship. And so, she\u2019s going to learn how to do that and she\u2019s going to do it in thirty days. She\u2019s going to see results in thirty days. It\u2019s amazing.<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>Okay, so if somebody\u2019s interested in <i>Thirty Days to Mastering Your Feminine Power<\/i>, you can literally check out the show notes right now. The URL is there. If you\u2019re on an iPhone, you can swipe up and it\u2019ll be right there in show notes. Or you can go to <\/b><span class=\"s1\"><b>www.betterlovemoment.com<\/b><\/span><b> and of course all the show notes are available on our website at <\/b><span class=\"s1\"><b>www.insporising.com<\/b><\/span><b>. Anita, you have a podcast as well&#8230;<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">I do. It\u2019s called <i>Better Love Movement<\/i> and it gives all types of amazing dating and relationship advice. People write in and they ask questions and I answer those questions. But we tackle a lot of different subjects, so it\u2019s really fun to make for sure.<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>That\u2019s great. And you\u2019re available for coaching and counseling via online video conferencing, is that correct?<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Yes, that\u2019s right. That\u2019s right.<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>Awesome. Alright, betterlovemovement.com. Anita, you are one unique person and I love it.<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Thank you.<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>Because when everybody\u2019s saying the same thing in the world, it\u2019s always fun to talk to somebody who\u2019s saying something different.<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Right, thank you.<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>Yeah, that\u2019s really fascinating. Thank you for receiving my compliment, Anita.<\/b><\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Thank you for giving it.<\/p>\r\n<p>\r\n\r\n<\/p>\r\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator is-style-wide\" \/>\r\n<p>\r\n\r\n <strong>Subscribe to Inspiration Rising<\/strong> on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/inspiration-rising\/id1448649388\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Apple Podcasts<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/play.google.com\/music\/m\/Iqrp5q3bagph2t23malprd3dxvy?t=Launch_Yourself_Today\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Google Podcasts,<\/a>\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/42zIsXzjCibZt49xdCRvB4\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Spotify<\/a>, or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.stitcher.com\/podcast\/in-plain-sight\/launch-yourself-today\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Stitcher.<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Anita Stoudmire is a licensed professional therapist, love mentor, and founder of Better Love Movement, an online coaching business that helps women of all ages master their feminine power and create the relationships they want. Based in Virginia, Anita has a private counseling practice known as Growth Therapy Center, which focuses on couples counseling and [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7107,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[49],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7101","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-podcast"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/insporising.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7101","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/insporising.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/insporising.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insporising.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insporising.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7101"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/insporising.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7101\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insporising.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/7107"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/insporising.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7101"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insporising.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7101"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insporising.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7101"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}